LGBT parenting refers to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people raising one or more children as parents or foster care parents. This includes: children raised by same-sex couples (same-sex parenting), children raised by single LGBT parents, and children raised by an opposite-sex couple where at least one partner is LGBT.. Opponents of LGBT rights have argued that LGBT parenting Schembri quoted a statistic which said that 34% of children and youths under 15 years of age are not equipped with the basic skills needed for a competitive word. "The youths of today are the youths that employers will eventually want to employ," Schembri said. 30 Things Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum Want You to Know It is estimated that one in 68 children are now diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum disorder, and yet, this diagnosis remains as misunderstood as ever. We simply do not live in a society that is accommodating or even accepting of those who are not "neurotypical." For any normal adult living in America today money ranks right up there next to oxygen. Without money you cannot eat. It really depends on how good your parents are at managing their money. why your parents are fairly tight when you ask for anything. Where, exactly, is the money going to come from? If you want a $100 pair of sneakers But parents, who combined remote work with spending more time with their children, are not happy. F For Ellen, a 36-year-old mother-of-one living in Westchester County, north of New York City, sCjyq. Ian Pierpoint of Synovate, a market research company, surveyed 1,000 parents who lived with children ages 12 to 30 and an additional 500 children in the same age range in the UK, and Canada. The survey found that 43 percent of parents say they want to be their child’s best friend. 40 percent would buy their children everything they wanted if they could. 37 percent would prefer their kids at home at all times because they want to protect them. 71 percent of parental child purchases are made without any child request. Parents guessed what their teen or young adult wanted, rather than getting something he or she asked for. 47 percent of the teens say they intend to stay home as long as they can. 41 percent of 20-24-year-olds are living at home. 56 percent of parents are in no hurry for their children to leave home. 72 percent of parents would welcome their children back at any time. 65 percent of teens believe their parents “try hard to be a friend.” 40 percent of teens indicated they would raise their own kids differently. Source Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels A best-friend parent “doesn’t give you rules and tell you what to do," Pierpoint says. Best-friend parents interviewed for this study felt their own parents didn’t understand them, and so they want to be seen by their children as someone who is fun to be around, listens, and is non-judgmental. Sources personal communication with Ian Pierpoint, and a USA Today article. Becoming an epidemic In the article, “If your mom’s your best friend, who’s your mother?” psychologist Steven Poulter claims, “This really is an epidemic. Because of unresolved issues with their parents, some parents today don’t want to be so hard and just want their children to like them. At the end of a long working day, they don’t want conflict.” Best-friend parents Best-friend parenting raises several questions. What does it mean to be a friend? What does it mean to parent? Can parents be friends with their children, and in doing so, do they abdicate parental responsibilities in exchange for friendship? How is a friend-to-friend relationship different from a parent-to-child relationship? Is there a difference between being a friend and being friendly? Is being a best-friend parent good for children, or is it a form of childhood overindulgence? If so, what type of overindulgence? Source Nicole Michalou/Pexels I would argue that the roles of parent and friend are very different—perhaps even conflicting. The Oxford English Dictionary defines a parent as “a person who holds the position or exercises the functions of a parent; a protector, guardian.” Friends are on the same level as you, equal in power, while parents should hold more power than their children. Parents should be friendly but should resist the urge to become best friends. That can happen when the child becomes an adult. When children are young, parents have very clear jobs. They make decisions in the best interests of a child’s development. They say yes and no appropriately. They are role models. They teach. They mentor. From time to time, they insist. They stand fast as consultants to their children as their children become ever more skillful and responsible. They act to keep children safe. They discipline. These are not the hallmarks of an equalized friend relationship. Friendly, yes. Best friend, no. What happens when a parent discusses sensitive issues with their child? Koerner, Wallace, Lehman et al. 2002 researched mother-adolescent daughter relationships post-divorce and the impact of sharing sensitive information. They found “that detailed mother-to-daughter disclosures regarding financial concerns, negativity toward ex-husband, job ups-and-downs, and personal concerns were clearly associated with greater daughter psychological distress, but not with greater feelings of mother-daughter closeness, as existing retrospective research would have predicted.” Glenwick and Mowrey 1986 found that when parents abdicated the parental role in which the mother functioned as a peer/partner, it required clinical intervention to reestablish her parental role, resolve conflicts, and improve parent-child communication patterns. Apply the Test of Four Is being a best-friend parent good for children, or a form of childhood overindulgence? The Test of Four says parents may be overindulging if the answer to one or more of the following questions is “yes” Will being a best-friend parent interfere with or slow down what my child needs to learn at this age? Yes. Children in this study and our studies reported growing up without many of the life skills needed to function as adults because their best-friend parent did things for them. Will being a best-friend parent mean spending a disproportionate amount of family resources on one or more of my children? Yes. When asked, 40 percent said they would buy their children everything they wanted, and 73 percent guess and then buy things for their children without asking. Is best-friend parenting done to benefit the parent more than the child? Yes. They said they were parenting this way because they felt their own parents didn’t understand them. They want their children to accept them. Does best-friend parenting potentially harm others, society, or the planet in some way? Possibly. Children raised by best-friend parents won’t follow the rules because their parents didn’t set guidelines, rules, or boundaries. Best-friend parenting = All three types of overindulgence I believe best-friend parenting is a form of childhood overindulgence. It overindulges children in all three ways too much, over-nurture, and soft structure. Best-friend parents buy everything for their children too much. They want to protect their children by keeping them home as long as they can and catering to their every desire over-nurture. They do not set limits or enforce rules soft structure. Further, our research shows that overindulgence harms children, and they, too, are more likely to become less effective parents when they grow up. Tips for avoiding overindulgence Be friendly to your children, but don’t try to be their best friend. Expect your children to do chores. Develop meaningful relationships with the adults in your life. Set limits and discuss them with your children. Enforce the limits you set. If you are over-involved with your child, begin the process of emancipation in a thoughtful and caring way for both of you. Practice Aloha. Do all things with love, grace, and gratitude. © 2021 David J. Bredehoft References Bredehoft, D. J., Mennicke, S. A., Potter, A. M., & Clarke, J. I. 1998. Perceptions attributed by adults to parental overindulgence during childhood. Journal of Family and Consumer Sciences Education, 162, 3-17. Koerner, Wallace, S., Lehman, et al. 2002. Mother-to-daughter disclosure after divorce Are there costs and benefits? Journal of Child and Family Studies 114, 469-483. Glenwick, D. S., & Mowrey, J. D. 1986. When parent becomes peer Loss of intergenerational boundaries in single parent families. Family Relations, 351, 57–62. We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful. And every aspect of being a parent has been more complicated and more fraught during the pandemic, with parents managing complex new assignments and anxious new decisions, all while handling the regular questions that come up in daily life with the children we love. Throughout the circus act of parenting, it’s important to focus on balancing priorities, juggling responsibilities and quickly flipping between the needs of your children, other family members and yourself. Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know whom or what to trust. Here, we’ll talk about how to help your child grow up to be a person you really like without losing yourself in the process. Your Parenting StyleGood news There is no one right way to raise a child. Research tells us that to raise a self-reliant child with high self-esteem, it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian. You want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you. You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent. All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance? As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges. Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life. More on Parenting StylesConquering the BasicsYour healthy attitude toward sleep, food and discipline will affect your children in the most important to Put a Baby to SleepRight from the beginning, babies vary tremendously in their sleep patterns. And parents, too, vary in terms of how they cope with interrupted nights. There are two general schools of thought around babies and sleep after those early months when they need nighttime feedings — soothe the baby to sleep or don’t — and many parents find themselves wavering back and forth. Those who believe in sleep training, including many sleep experts, would argue that in helping babies learn to fall asleep by themselves and soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake during the night, parents are helping them master vital skills for comfort and independence. Two techniques for this are Graduated extinction, in which babies are allowed to cry for short, prescribed intervals over the course of several nights. Bedtime fading, in which parents delay bedtime in 15-minute increments so the child becomes more and more tired. And many parents report that these strategies improve their children’s sleep patterns, as well as their own. But there are also parents who find the idea of letting a baby cry at night unduly harsh. Whatever you try, remember, some babies, no matter what you do, are not reliably good sleepers. Parents need to be aware of what sleep deprivation may be doing to them, to their level of functioning, and to their relationships, and take their own sleep needs seriously as well. So, ask for help when you need it, from your pediatrician or a trusted friend or family member. Bedtime For older children, the rules around sleep are clearer Turn off devices, read aloud at bedtime, and build rituals that help small children wind down and fall asleep. Establishing regular bedtime routines and consistent sleep patterns will be even more important as children grow older and are expected to be awake and alert during school hours; getting enough sleep on a regular basis and coming to school well-rested will help grade-school children’s academic performance and their social behavior as well. Keeping screens out of the bedroom and turned off during the hours before bed becomes more and more important as children grow — and it’s not a bad habit for adults, either. Even when education went remote during the pandemic, keeping children’s sleep schedules regular helped them stay on course. As your child hits adolescence, her body clock will shift so that she is “programmed” to stay up later and sleep later, often just as schools are demanding early starts. Again, good family “sleep hygiene,” especially around screens at bedtime, in the bedroom, and even in the bed, can help teenagers disconnect and get the sleep they need. By taking sleep seriously, as a vital component of health and happiness, parents are sending an important message to children at every About Sleep and Your ChildHow to Feed Your ChildThere’s nothing more basic to parenting than the act of feeding your child. But even while breast-feeding, there are decisions to be made. Yes, breast-feeding mothers should eat spicy food if they like it. No, they shouldn’t respond to all infant distress by nursing. Pediatricians currently recommend exclusive breast-feeding for the first six months, and then continuing to breast-feed as you introduce a range of solid foods. Breast-feeding mothers deserve support and consideration in society in general and in the workplace in particular, and they don’t always get it. And conversely, mothers are sometimes made to feel inadequate if breast-feeding is difficult, or if they can’t live up to those recommendations. You have to do what works for you and your family, and if exclusive breast-feeding doesn’t, any amount that you can do is good for your baby. As children grow, the choices and decisions multiply; that first year of eating solid foods, from 6 to 18 months, can actually be a great time to give children a range of foods to taste and try, and by offering repeated tastes, you may find that children expand their ranges. Small children vary tremendously in how they eat; some are voracious and omnivorous, and others are highly picky and can be very difficult to feed. Let her feed herself as soon as and as much as possible; by “playing” with her food she’ll learn about texture, taste and independence. Build in the social aspects of eating from the beginning, so that children grow up thinking of food in the context of family time, and watching other family members eat a variety of healthy foods, while talking and spending time together. Children should not be eating while looking at screens. Parents worry about picky eaters, and of course about children who eat too much and gain weight too fast; you want to help your child eat a variety of real foods, rather than processed snacks, to eat at mealtimes and snacktimes, rather than constant "grazing," or "sipping," and to eat to satisfy hunger, rather than experiencing food as either a reward or a punishment. Don’t cook special meals for a picky child, but don’t make a regular battlefield out of mealtime. Some tips to try Talk with small children about "eating the rainbow," and getting lots of different colors onto their plates orange squash, red peppers, yellow corn, green anything, and so on. Take them to the grocery store or the farmer's market and let them pick out something new they'd like to try. Let them help prepare food. Be open to deploying the foods they enjoy in new ways peanut butter on almost anything, tomato sauce on spinach. Some children will eat almost anything if it's in a dumpling, or on top of pasta. Offer tastes of what everyone else is eating. Find some reliable fallback alternatives when your child won’t eat anything that’s offered. Many restaurants will prepare something simple off the menu for a child, such as plain pasta or rice. Above all, encourage your child to keep tasting; don't rule anything out after just a couple of tries. And if you do have a child who loves one particular green vegetable, it's fine to have that one turn up over and over again. Bottom line As long as a child is growing, don’t agonize too much. Family meals matter to older children as well, even as they experience the biological shifts of adolescent growth. Keep that social context for food as much as you can, even through the scheduling complexities of middle school and high school. Keep the family table a no-screen zone, and keep on talking and eating together. Some families found that the pandemic meant more opportunities for family meals, which helped them through the hard times, but if the stresses of the recent past have pushed your family toward more snacking and more fast food, know that you are not alone. It will always help to re-set as a family, to stock healthy foods in the house, and to eat together and connect over food. More on Your Child's DietHow to DisciplineSmall children are essentially uncivilized, and part of the job of parenting inevitably involves a certain amount of correctional work. With toddlers, you need to be patient and consistent, which is another way of saying you will need to express and enforce the same rules over and over and over again. “Time outs” work very effectively with some children, and parents should watch for those moments when they the parents may need them as well. Seriously, take a breather when you are feeling as out of control as your child is acting. Many parents have been under extraordinary stress during the pandemic; be sure you are taking care of yourself, and get help if you need it. Distraction is another good technique; you don’t have to win a moral victory every time a small child misbehaves if you can redirect the behavior and avoid the battle. The overall disciplinary message to young children is the message that you don’t like the behavior, but you do love the child. Think praise rather than punishment. Physical discipline, like hitting and spanking, tends to produce aggressive behavior in children. Keep in mind that it’s always a parental win if you can structure a situation so that a child is earning privileges screentime, for example by good behavior, rather than losing them as a penalty. Search for positive behaviors to praise and reward, and young children will want to repeat the experience. But inevitably, parenthood involves a certain number of “bad cop” moments, when you have to say no or stop and your child will be angry at you — and that’s fine, it goes with the territory. Look in the mirror and practice saying what parents have always said “I’m your mother/father, I’m not your friend.” As parents, we should be trying to regulate our children’s behavior — or to help them regulate their own — and not trying to legislate their thoughts It is OK to dislike your brother or your classmate, but not to hit him. It is OK to feel angry or frustrated, as long as you behave properly. Our “civilizing” job as parents may be easier, in fact, if we acknowledge the strength of those difficult emotions, and celebrate the child who achieves control. And take advantage of the opportunity to demonstrate what you do when you have lost control or behaved badly Offer a sincere parental apology. It’s also worth recognizing that we have all been living through extraordinary times, and that a child who is, for example, angry or frustrated because activities have been canceled, or interrupted, should not feel bad about expressing those emotions. Even young children can understand that what’s “wrong” or “bad” is the pandemic – not the child’s on DisciplineWellGet essential news on health, fitness and nutrition, from Tara IssuesParenting in the Time of CovidThis is an anxious time to be a parent. You’re helping children navigate a pandemic world in which new information – sometimes scary, sometimes confusing – has to be absorbed and reacted to on a regular basis. You may be helping an anxious child handle fears about going out into the world, or trying to enforce safety protocols with a child who is just eager to declare the pandemic “over.” You may be dealing with economic pressures, with worries over vulnerable family members, or with grief for people who have been lost. And many of the everyday decisions of parenthood have become more heavily weighted and more frightening. It can’t be said too often understand that you are living – and parenting – through very difficult times, and as far as possible, take care of yourself. If you are anxious, if you are depressed, if you are angry, think about the coping strategies that help you, and look for additional help if you need it, from your partner, if you have one, from close friends and family, from your spiritual community, from your doctor, from a mental health professional. Understand that parents have faced a difficult – and at times impossible – set of “assignments,” and that they have in large part responded with everyday heroism in taking care of their children. But they need to care of themselves as can take steps to help your children manage both bullying and conflict — and you're at your most useful when you know which of the two you’re trying to address. Children who are being bullied are on the receiving end of mistreatment, and are helpless to defend themselves, whereas children in conflict are having a hard time getting along. Fortunately, most of the friction that happens among children is in the realm of conflict —an inevitable, if unpleasant, consequence of being with others — not bullying. If children are being bullied, it’s important to reassure them that they deserve support, and that they should alert an adult to what’s happening. Further, you can remind your children that they cannot passively stand by if another child is being bullied. Regardless of how your own child might feel about the one being targeted, you can set the expectation that he or she will do at least one of three things confront the bully, keep company with the victim, alert an adult. When the issue is conflict, you should aim to help young people handle it well by learning to stand up for themselves without stepping on anyone else. To do this, you can model assertion, not aggression, in the inevitable disagreements that arise in family life, and coach your children to do the same as they learn how to address garden-variety disputes with their About GenderMoralityAll parents have in common the wish to raise children who are good people. You surely care about how your child will treat others, and how he or she will act in the world. In some households, regular participation in a religious institution sets aside time for the family to reflect on its values and lets parents convey to their children that those beliefs are held by members of a broad community that extends beyond their home. Even in the absence of strong spiritual beliefs, the celebration of religious holidays can act as a key thread in the fabric of family life. Though it is universally true that children benefit when their parents provide both structure and warmth, even the most diligent parents can struggle to achieve both of these on a regular basis. The rituals and traditions that are part of many religious traditions can bring families together in reliable and memorable ways. Of course, there are everyday opportunities to instill your values in your child outside of organized religion, including helping an elderly neighbor or taking your children with you to volunteer for causes that are important to you. Above all, however, children learn your values by watching how you live. More on Morality and ChildrenAcademic PressureWhen it comes to school, parents walk a difficult line You want your children to strive and succeed, but you don’t want to push them in ways that are unfair, or cause needless stress. At every age and skill level, children benefit when parents help them focus on improving their abilities, rather than on proving them. In other words, children should understand that their intellectual endowment only gets them started, and that their capabilities can be increased with effort. Many children struggled during the course of the pandemic, faced with learning in ways that were harder for them than regular school – this may be especially true for children with learning differences and special needs, but it applies across the board. As they return to in-person schooling, children need time to catch up, and they need to feel comfortable asking for that time, or for extra help – so they need to hear the message that what matters is the learning and understanding that they gain, not some rigid schedule that they may have fallen behind. Children who adopt this growth mindset – the psychological terminology for the belief that industry is the path to mastery – are less stressed than peers who believe their capacities are fixed, and outperform them academically. Students with a growth mindset welcome feedback, are motivated by difficult work, and are inspired by the achievements of their talented classmates. To raise growth-mindset thinkers you can make a point of celebrating effort, not smarts, as children navigate school. This may be more important than ever as schools reopen and children return following their different experiences with remote or hybrid education. When they succeed, say, “Your hard work and persistence really paid off. Well done!” And when they struggle, say, “That test grade reflects what you knew about the material being tested on the day you took the test. It does not tell us how far you can go in that subject. Stick with it and keep asking questions. It will come.” Parents should step in when students face academic challenges that cause constant or undue stress. Some students hold themselves, or are held by adults, to unrealistic standards. Others missed a step along the way, had a hard time during the pandemic, study ineffectively or are grappling with an undiagnosed learning difference. Parents should be in touch with teachers about how things are going. Determining the nature of the problem will point the way to the most helpful on Children and School PressureTechnologyHere’s how to raise a child with a healthy attitude toward shiny screens and flashing TimeYou could try to raise a screen-free child, but let’s be honest, you’re reading this on a screen. As in everything else, the challenge is in balancing the ideal and the real in a way that’s right for your family. The pandemic upended many families’ rules and practices, as everything from visits with grandma from teenage social networks to math class started to happen on screens. And some aspects of those experiences may help you think about positive screen-related experiences you want to build into your children’s lives going forward regular dates for watching a movie as a family, reading a book on an iPad, FaceTiming with out-of-town relatives. Technology plays such an important role in children’s lives now that when we talk about it, we’re talking about everything from sleep to study to social life. “Technology is just a tool and it can be an extremely enriching part of kids’ lives,” said Scott Steinberg, co-author of “The Modern Parent’s Guide to Facebook and Social Networks.” “A lot of what we’re teaching about parenting around technology is just basic parenting,” he said. “It comes down to the Golden Rule Are they treating others in a respectful and empathetic manner?” Phones and social media give older kids opportunities to reckon with responsibilities they haven’t had before, such as being sent, or asked to share, an inappropriate image, said Ana Homayoun, author of the book “Social Media Wellness Helping Teens and Tweens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World.” Parents need to keep talking about this side of life with their children so they don’t leave their kids to navigate it alone. And then there’s the question of protecting family time. Mr. Steinberg advises setting household rules that govern when devices may be used, and have clear, age-appropriate policies so kids know what they can and can’t do. Some of these policies will be appropriate for all ages, including parents, such as No phones at the dinner table. No screens for an hour before bedtime. It’s important to practice what you preach. And if your family needs to re-set some of these rules as children return to the classroom, you can talk it through with your children, explaining why it matters to use devices well, but set some limits. And in addition to taking time for family meals and family conversations, parents should be taking the time to sit down with young children and look at what they’re doing online, rather than leaving them alone with their devices as babysitters. Parents as Digital Role ModelsWhen a parent wants to post on social media about something a child did that may embarrass the child, Ms. Homayoun said, it’s worth stepping back to consider why. Are you posting it to draw attention to yourself? You should respect your child’s privacy as much as you respect the privacy of friends, family members and colleagues. As cute as it may seem to post pictures of a naked toddler, consider a "no butts" policy. That may not be the image that your child wants to portray 15 years from now. “We need to, from a very early age, teach kids what consent looks like,” Ms. Homayoun said. “It doesn’t begin when a kid is 15, 16 or 17. It begins when a kid is 3 and he doesn’t want to go hug his uncle.” Or when he doesn’t want you to post that video of him crying over a lost toy. Our children will create digital footprints as they grow, and it will be one of our jobs to help them, guide them and get them to think about how something might look a few years down the line — you can start by respecting their privacy and applying the same standards throughout their lives. Tech ToysIt’s easy to dismiss high-tech toys as just pricey bells and whistles, but if you choose more enriching options, you can find toys that help kids grow. For young children, though, there’s a great deal to be said for allowing them, as much as possible, to explore the nondigital versions of blocks, puzzles, fingerpaints and all the rest of the toys that offer tactile and fine motor experiences. As children get older, some high-tech games encourage thinking dynamically, problem solving and creative expression. “These high-tech games can be an opportunity to bond with your kids. Learn more about how they think and their interests,” Mr. Steinberg said. Some games encourage kids to be part of a team, or lead one. And others let them be wilder than they might be in real life – in ways that parents can appreciate “You can’t always throw globs of paint around the house but you can in the digital world,” he Right Age for a Phone?“Many experts would say it’s about 13, but the more practical answer is when they need one when they’re outside your direct supervision,” Mr. Steinberg said. Ms. Homayoun recommends them for specific contexts, such as for a child who may be traveling between two houses and navigating late sports practices. Consider giving tiered access to technology, such as starting with a flip phone, and remind children that privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand. A child’s expanding access to personal technology should depend on its appropriate use. To put these ideas into practical form, the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidelines for creating a personalized family media use on Technology and KidsTime ManagementBalance both your schedule and your child’s with a reasonable approach to time. OverschedulingAs the world opens up, children whose lives had been more circumscribed will have the chance not only to return to school, but also to get back to sports, lessons and extracurricular activities. At the same time, pandemic protocols can make all of this even more complicated, for kids and for parents. We all know the cliché of the overscheduled child, rushing from athletic activity to music lessons to tutoring, and there will probably be moments when you will feel like that parent, with a carload of equipment and a schedule so complicated that you wake up in the middle of the night worrying you’re going to lose track. But it’s also a joy and a pleasure to watch children discover the activities they really enjoy, and it’s one of the privileges of parenthood to cheer your children on as their skills improve. Some children really do thrive on what would be, for others, extreme overscheduling. But the complexities of managing social contacts in a time of Covid protocols make it even more important to set priorities so that a child gets to do whichever activities really matter to that particular kid. Know your child, talk to your child, and when necessary, help your child negotiate the decisions that make it possible to keep doing the things that mean the most, even if that means letting go of some other activities. Remember, children can get a tremendous amount of pleasure, and also great value, from learning music, from playing sports, and also from participating in the array of extracurricular activities that many schools offer. However, they also need a certain amount of unscheduled time. The exact mix varies from child to child, and even from year to year. On the one hand, we need to help our children understand the importance of keeping the commitments they make — you don’t get to give up playing your instrument because you’re struggling to learn a hard piece; you don’t quit the team because you’re not one of the starters — and on the other, we need to help them decide when it’s time to change direction or just plain let something go. So how do you know how much is too much? Rethink the schedule if Your child isn’t getting enough sleep. Your child doesn’t have enough time to get schoolwork done. Your child can’t squeeze in silly time with friends, or even a little downtime to kick around with family. And make sure that high school students get a positive message about choosing the activities that they love, rather than an anxiety-producing message about choosing some perfect mix to impress college admissions officers. The point of scheduling is to help us fit in the things we need to do and also the things we love to do; overscheduling means that we’re not in shape to do either. Taking Care of YourselfBeing a parent is the job of your life, the job of your heart, and the job that transforms you forever. But as we do it, we need to keep hold of the passions and pastimes that make us who we are, and which helped bring us to the place in our lives where we were ready to have children. We owe our children attention — and nowadays it’s probably worth reminding ourselves that paying real attention to our children means limiting our own screentime and making sure that we’re talking and reading aloud and playing. But we owe ourselves attention as well, and this has been an extraordinarily stressful and anxious time for many parents. Your children will absolutely remember the time that you spent with them, and that has special meaning for many families after the ways the lockdowns and isolation months of the recent past — but you also want them to grow up noticing the way you maintain friendships of your own, the way you put time and energy into the things that matter most to you, from your work to your physical well-being to the special interests and passions that make you the person they know. They will see how you hold on to what matters most, and how you make sure to do it safely – the same imperatives you’re trying to get them to incorporate in their own lives. Whether you’re taking time to paint or dance, or to knit with friends, or to try to save the world, you are acting and living your values and your loves, and those are messages that you owe to your children. You may not be able to pursue any of your passions in quite the same way and to quite the same extent that you might have before you had a child — and before every social interaction carried a Covid question. You may have to negotiate the time, hour by hour, acknowledging what is most important, and trading it, perhaps, for what is most important to your partner, if you have one. You’ll be, by definition, a different painter, as you would be a different runner, a different dancer, a different friend and a different world-saver. But you may well come to realize that the experience of taking care of a small child helps you concentrate in a stronger, almost fiercer way, when you get that precious hour to to Find BalanceAs children return to in-person learning, the distinction between schoolwork and homework will become an issue for some. Lots of parents worry that their children get an unreasonable amount of homework, and that homework can start unreasonably young. While it may be easy to advise that homework can help a child learn time management and study habits, and to let children try themselves and sometimes fail, the reality is that many of us find ourselves supervising at least a little, and parents who have been supervising remote learning may find it harder to pull back and let the child work. This is another reason to be in touch with your child’s teacher, and aware of how things are going in school. You should speak up if it seems that one particular teacher isn’t following the school’s guidelines for appropriate amounts of homework. And for many children, it’s helpful to talk through the stages of big projects and important assignments, so they can get some intermediate dates on the calendar. If the homework struggle dominates your home life, it may be a sign of another issue, like a learning disability. For many families nowadays, the single biggest negotiation about time management is around screen time, and of course, screen time has now become part of schoolwork for many children. Screen time can be homework time but is the chatting that goes on in a corner really part of the assignment? or social time or pure entertainment time. Bottom line As long as a child is doing decently in school, you probably shouldn’t worry too much about whether, by your standards, the homework looks like it is being done with too many distractions. And remember, some family responsibilities can help anchor a child to the nonvirtual world a dog to be walked or trash to be taken out. And when it comes to fun, let your child see that you value the non-homework part of the evening, or the weekend, that you understand that time with friends is important, and that you want to be kept up to date on what’s going on, and to talk about your own life. Ultimately, we have to practice what we preach, from putting down our own work to enjoy unstructured family time to putting down our phones at the dinner table to engage in a family discussion. Our children are listening to what we say, and watching what we do. In August, Treasurer Scott Morrison warned that “Australia has a generation growing up expecting government handouts”. Researchers have labelled this the “Me Generation”. Some even say we are facing a “me, me, me epidemic”. So why have today’s young people become more narcissistic? According to research, the decrease in young people’s levels of empathy is partly the result of changes in parenting styles that came about in the 1980s. In the past, parents had children as a means to gain practical and even financial support for family survival and to help it thrive. But now, children are perceived as an emotional asset whose primary purpose is being loved. Parents now tend to place greater emphasis on cultivating the happiness and success of their offspring. What led to this change in parenting style? From the 1980s onwards, children have spent fewer hours doing chores around the house as living conditions and technology – including the invention of washing machines and dishwashers – have improved. Nowadays children are no longer perceived as contributors whose work is essential for the survival of the family and its ability to thrive. Parental focus has shifted from the development of family responsibility to the development of children’s happiness and success. As a result, children’s sense of entitlement has been inflated, but the cultivation of responsibility has fallen by the wayside. So chores are not valued as much as they used to be. This is particularly the case for young people in China, often labelled “little emperors” and “little princesses”, who were born under the one-child policy between 1979 and 2015. These children’s parents, most of whom had gone through hardship in China’s Great Famine and the Cultural Revolution, vowed not to allow what they had suffered to happen to their only child. They became overwhelmingly dedicated to their child, which resulted in many children shouldering no family responsibilities, including chores. It is also the case for children in the West. Research has found that less than 30% of American parents ask their children to do chores. As academic Richard Rende said in his book Raising Can-Do Kids “Parents today want their kids spending time on things that can bring them success, but ironically, we’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success — and that’s household chores.” How responsibility can develop a family bond Traditionally, chores were a family obligation. They were hard and tedious. But research suggests engaging in routine chores helps children to develop a sense of social justice, because everyone has to do them, which inculcates the idea of fairness. Chores can also provide a vehicle for children to cultivate a family bond and a sense of responsibility. The development of social justice in children means that children view their relationship with their parents as a two-way thing, rather than it being one-sided. A family bond has two interacted dimensions that parents love their children and that children are grateful for the sacrifices their parents made. For the latter, only through moral reasoning and, more importantly, discipline chores can parental love be translated into practice and mutual love between parents and children and a family bond be developed. My parents never gave me "the sex talk." This says a lot, because they were both pediatricians. But like many Asian—and non-Asian—parents, they never discussed things like puberty, sexuality, or mental health with me as a kid. Now, as the parent of a teen and a tween, I find myself working hard not to fall back into the same patterns that would have me avoiding the conversations I know I need to have with my kids. Turns out I’m hardly the only one. In a Parents sex education survey of 1,500 caregivers, 70% of parents said that they are more comfortable talking to their children about topics related to sex than their own parents were with them, and 69% believe that sex education should be mandatory in schools. Sex education, in broad terms, includes discussions about anatomy, puberty, consent and communication, and sexual harassment, abuse, and assault, but also about body image, gender identity and expression, and sexual orientation and expression. PARENTS But only a third of parents surveyed said they are familiar or very familiar with their state's sex education requirements. And while 70% of them feel prepared to talk to their kids about sex, the numbers vary when broken down by factors like gender noting that 77% of fathers feel confident in this space or ethnicity, with only 44% of Asian parents noting they feel confident talking to their kids about sex. Like my parents. So I chose to take the opposite tack with my daughter as she ventured reluctantly into puberty. I bought her a stack of carefully vetted sex education books, I stocked up on pads, got period panties a lifesaver for my little water baby during summer swim season, and I opened the door to discussion early and often. And, if there's one thing we've learned from the Parents Sex Education survey, more parents are being proactive about having conversations about sex education with their kids. Which is a great thing. But if the topic feels fraught, you're not alone. Here, some guidance on how to start—and continue—the conversation. The Onset of Puberty Has Shifted "Kids will be learning about these topics with or without us," says Rosalia Rivera, Consent Educator, Abuse Prevention Specialist, Sexual Literacy Advocate, and creator of Consent Parenting. "It's best to be proactive and create a trusting relationship that's both safe and respectful of their development. That's why it's important to start early. "Getting ahead of the curve and establishing yourself as their go-to authority on all things puberty, sex education, consent, gender, and other sensitive topics will help kids trust that you're the safe person to ask for honest, shame-free, accurate information," says Rivera. "It's about being there for your child and being their safe guide." And now, more than ever, there are resources and tools parents can use to teach themselves about sex education so they can teach their kids, too. "Let's take the shame out of it," says Cara Natterson, author of the bestselling Care and Keeping of You book series and co-host of The Puberty Podcast. "For any parents who are curious 100 percent of your children are going to go through puberty. Learning about it, teaching them about it, having those necessary conversations is critical." These days, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the onset of puberty can start as early as age eight. That means if you're waiting until your kid is tween or teen, you're already late—but it's more important than ever to start now. The Concept of The Talk'—Singular—Is Outdated In the "old days," many parents thought a single "birds and bees" chat meant they'd done their due diligence as parents. But we all know how well that turned out. That's why it's critical to start conversations about sex education early and have them often. "As parents, we all want the authority and privilege of explaining the changes in adolescence and sex education,” says Megan Michelson, director of The Birds And Bees podcast. “We want parents to start talking and keep talking." She recommends an approach that's "frequent and frank," but notes that "there is so much power in the first impression! Be proactive, not reactive. At the same time, we all know this practice requires a clear vision, direction, and a goal in mind." Sitting down for a big, serious, face-to-face conversation can be intimidating, for both parents and kids. "You can start as young as three or four years old when a child pulls a tampon out of a purse and asks, 'What is this?'" says Michelson, who is also a former middle school educator. "Rather than grab it and tell them to not touch things like that, simply say, 'Oh sweetheart, this is a tampon. [Some parents] bleed once a month, and it's called a period. A tampon helps keep things clean.' While this might be your first conversation about periods, it should not be your last." As a pediatrician and a parent, Dr. Natterson recommends parents encourage open discussion. "My mantra is talk early, talk often, talk about everything. But not all at once," she says. "We can't just sit down and information dump on our kids because that's a lecture, and it's too much. Every day offers teachable moments You might be watching a show together and press pause. You might hear a story about something that happened at school or on the field. It's never too early to start these conversations." Explain Things In Terms Your Kid Will Understand Rosalia Rivera, Creator of Consent Parenting "I like to think of these conversations as layers, like lasagna. Start with a good foundation and keep adding on throughout their different ages and stages." — Rosalia Rivera, Creator of Consent Parenting Different ages and stages will require different frameworks for approaching discussions about puberty, sexuality, identity, and consent. "I like to think of these conversations as layers, like lasagna," says Rivera. "Start with a good foundation and keep adding on throughout their different ages and stages." Books, videos, and classes like Michelson's Birds and Bees workshop can help parents learn to navigate these conversations with grace and authority. "We want parents to feel empowered to break sex education down into multiple, age-appropriate conversations that begin at a young age," Michelson says. "By answering our kids' questions in an age-appropriate way, we also have the power to normalize the changes that come along with adolescence, too. 'Where do babies come from?' 'How is that baby getting out of there?' 'What's a tampon?' are all normal questions for curious kids to ask and we want parents to feel equipped and empowered to answer them in a way that fosters confidence and open discussions." And when it comes to consent, whether you're talking to a toddler or a teen, in the end, the bottom line is the same. "The very core values of that concept are the same, whether you're talking about a toy or whether you're talking about someone's personal physical space," says Dr. Natterson. "So those types of conversations about nutrition, about respecting your own body, about pleasure, and what feels good." Michelson says speaking from a place of authority is important—and so, too, is ensuring kids that what they're experiencing is something everyone goes through. Here, an age by age, stage by stage approach to starting conversations. Toddlers It may seem strange to talk to toddlers about sex. But sex education conversations at this early stage lay the groundwork for the future—and ideally, these honest and frank chats give information on a need to know basis, establishing trust between the child and parent. "Parents should be the experts and a trusted source for their children. For example, start by addressing body parts with anatomical names," Michelson says. "This can begin as young as bathing your toddler in the tub or potty training. As they grow, find small, age-appropriate ways to address body boundaries." That may sound complicated, but it's how caregivers educate children about the world around them every day—and it works just as well here. "When discussing consent, you'd take a different approach with a toddler, talking about it in simpler terms, like sharing and not sharing, teaching what's appropriate," Dr. Natterson explains. "Like 'I'm just making sure it's okay with that person that I shared this toy they're playing with." Consent for Toddlers Conversations about consent are particularly critical at this age—and every age—so start early. "At this stage it's all about helping them understand their body autonomy, boundaries and what consent means," says Rivera. "'Did you know that your body belongs to you? And because it belongs to you, you get to say what happens to and with your body. Those body rules are called your body boundaries.'"Use clear language and definitions. "Consent at this stage can be explained as permission," says Rivera. "It can sound something like, 'When someone wants to hug you or kiss you, they should ask you first, since it's your body and you get to say what happens with and to your body.'" Little Kids As your kid grows older—and more curious—conversations around sex education will expand beyond bodily autonomy to grapple with bigger concepts. "Talking about puberty and periods before they happen helps them realize that changes like this are normal and to be expected," says Michaelson. "These matter-of-fact conversations create a shame-free place for education and communication." But how do you know your kid is ready? "Cues can be that they are asking more questions about their bodies or other people's bodies," says Rivera. "They may be exploring their own body and trying to understand the functions of their bodies. Those cues should signal to a parent that it's definitely time to talk about body literacy and safety." Consent for Little Kids Rivera says it's important to continue to incorporate the concept of consent into these chats, "helping them learn about the nuances of communicating boundaries. Allow kids to say no and support their decisions and be advocates when adults don't respect their nos. [This] helps them develop confidence for vocalizing boundaries. But also, helping them learn how to talk about how they feel if someone pushed them or hugged them without consent."This is the stage to talk to kids "about things like coercion and withdrawal," Rivera says. "This is key, because at this stage peer groups become a more prominent influence for kids. That no one should make them feel obligated to say yes or guilty for saying 'no thanks,' because they're not responsible for the feelings of others." Tweens and Teens If you've laid a foundation of conversations around anatomy, emotions, and consent, then you have a place to build from, says Michaelson. But for many parents and caregivers, their kids' tween and teen years may be the start of their experience with sex education. Starting these conversations early—and having them often—is critical because these days kids are inundated by more information than ever. "If your kid has a question and you don't want to answer it, they're going to seek out the answer. And they live in a world where they can get an answer," says Dr. Natterson. "As parents and adults who are in the lives of these kids, we are at a crossroads where we have a choice. Either the information can come from us, or we can outsource it. Probably to the Internet or to their 12-year-old friends, and I'm not sure what, which is worse, right?" Consent for Tweens and Teens With tweens and teens, things can get more complicated as they find themselves navigating peer groups—online and IRL. "For kids who are navigating the online space, the topic of consent can be translated into internet safety and what's safe and appropriate for peers to ask of them online," Rivera says. "Letting kids know that the same boundaries that they applied about their bodies, also apply in digital spaces. Remind them that they have body autonomy, and that includes virtual autonomy in the digital space."She recommends talking your child through "what if" scenarios so they know how they would handle situations that might come up. "This will give you a lot of information about their understanding of boundaries, consent and how they would communicate these understandings to peers," Rivera explains. Keep the Conversation Going Dr. Natterson reminds parents that the access kids have to information today carries greater risks, too. "Kids who have access to the Internet have access to pornography. It finds them, you know," she says. "So caregivers need to arm kids with really good, healthy information and have those conversations." While that may sound intimidating, "Sometimes it's as simple as, 'You might see a naked person on the Internet. If that happens, you didn't do anything wrong, but come talk to me because we can talk about what you saw and how you're feeling,'" Dr. Natterson says. "You don't want to get so far ahead of it that your kid's not ready to have the conversation. But you do want to be baby-stepping your way into these conversations, and by saying to a child, 'It's not your fault. I'm not going to be mad,' you are leaving the door open should something come up." Cara Natterson, author of The Care and Keeping of You "Even when you say something wrong, or it doesn't resonate, or it embarrasses your kid, having had the conversation is good. When it doesn't land, go back and have it again. And if they haven't heard you, listen to them. Conversation is two ways, and not just us telling our kids how it is, but that they tell us what life is like for them, what's real for them, and what language they're using." — Cara Natterson, author of The Care and Keeping of You And if at first you don't succeed? Definitely try again. It's okay if it feels awkward. "Kids are supposed to be curious and ask questions—it's part of healthy child development," Michelson says. "Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's easy to answer them." In the long run, your relationship with your children will be better for it. "Even when you say something wrong, or it doesn't resonate, or it embarrasses your kid, having had the conversation is good," Dr. Natterson says. "When it doesn't land, go back and have it again. And if they haven't heard you, listen to them. Conversation is two ways, and not just us telling our kids how it is, but that they tell us what life is like for them, what's real for them, and what language they're using." If anything, that's the real message this Parents sex education survey is sending. It’s about creating an open, comfortable relationship, a place where your child feels safe asking questions or raising concerns. And like many parents, that’s what I have to remind myself the conversation comes up again, as it inevitably will. While on the presidential campaign trail, Joe Biden made it clear where he stood on charter schools.“I am not a charter school fan,” he president, Biden’s still not. You can give him props for consistency, but his stance is increasingly out of step with families and the many states that have recently expanded public and private school choice. Extended school closures, including in some of the country’s largest public school systems, led to a “profound” impact on student learning and opportunities, says Ben DeGrow, policy director of education choice for ExcelinEd.

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